I FREAKING HATE MY NEIGHBORS!!

Originally posted May 8, 2005

Note: This is before moving to the neighborhood we presently live in. If my current neighbors are reading this, you know I don’t mean you. Although we aren’t without our share of weirdos.

Okay. He’s a foot doctor. She’s a housewife. They’re Christians. By “Christians” I mean he once beat her up and tried to choke her for not “submitting” to his wishes to keep a piece of exercise equipment in the middle of the living room. No kidding…..She asked him to move it, and he yelled at her that she is his wife and he’s the head of the household and is supposed to submit to him. Cops were called, he was gone 2 weeks, yadda yadda yadda.

I digress.

A couple of weekends ago my husband and I were both MAJORLY sick (thanks to the jerk who coughed all over Chris on the plane). I went downstairs to take my dog outside. Usually, I just stand in the back door and let her out on the leash (no fence). On this particular day I was in a ripped up shirt and pajama bottoms. I opened the door and my dog (aka the real cheekdog) started barking her head off. Here comes my neighbor walking along my back retaining wall (in my yard) telling me he was just going to put some trees in the back corner of my yard next to his fence because he doesn’t have any place else to put them, it’s temporary and he’ll move them any time we need him to. So in my sickened state and Nyquil-induced haze, I’m thinking that he was just going to lay a few little arbor vitae there for a few days. I just stared at him. I couldn’t believe he would have the “unmitigated gall”, as my husband would say, to do it. Did I mention the 6 ft. pile of dirt he “stored” in the corner of my backyard for the winter without permission???

I went upstairs to go back to bed and it hits me what he’s doing. I looked out the upstairs window and he’s digging 4 big holes and PLANTING TREES in my backyard. MY FLIPPING BACK YARD!!!!! WTH???????

Chris said don’t say anything because we want to put a fence between our yards and he wants to be able to put it on the property line and he doesn’t want to start a war. Wise, that man. He also says that when the fencing people come he will tell them to rip out anything that is in the way, including our neighbor’s trees and the little rocks that he decorated them with. Yes. He decorated his trees with rocks. In my yard. The dirt that he dug up and threw over the back wall into the wetland area? We paid for that when we built the wall and filled in the yard with dirt and bark to level out it out.

PS… Does it help my case to say he likes to mow at either 7am (so he can get it done before church) or at 8pm?

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